more house blues

Yep, it's been a while. I've had a lot more things to deal with, unfortunately, so my writing has suffered. However, it is definitely time for an update.

Perhaps the most amusing turn of events has been the way in which our newly refurbished house has been handled. Firstly, we didn't move in on the moving date. Yep, that was because they hadn't finished. A few days before we were due to move in the house was still occupied by deceprit builders who had taken to leaving olives in the sink and chicken carcasses on the carpet. Oh, no, not the carpet. That hadn't been fitted yet. I mean the concrete floor. We realised that, of course, the house wasn't quite ready to move into. So it came as no surprise when a certain someone from the letting agency called to let us know that our date had changed. A mere three days before we were due to be in the house. Ta for the notice, love.

Me: Hello?
Her: Hi, it's twatface (not her real name) here from Total Ripoff Plc here.
Me: Hi.
Her: Right, well, unfortunately your move in date for the property has changed due to the fact that all parties have not yet signed the tenancy agreement.
Me: Pardon?
Her: All parties have not signed the...
Me: No, I heard what you said. I don't know what you mean. We told you that not everyone would be here to sign it and we were told that it wasn't an issue. More of an issue, perhaps, would be that there are still builders shitting on our floor. (okay maybe I didn't say that exactly, but it was words to that effect)
Her: Um, err, well, I don't know about the house situation but according to the paperw..
Me: Um, what do you mean you don't know about the house situation? You mean you don't know whether it's ready or not? isn't that your job?
Her: Um, well, not exactly, My job is to sit here and lick windows. Not stamps, cos we don;t have any of those cos we prefer to charge our clients for postage, anyway my job is to sit here and be paid to do fuck all. Great, isn't it?
Me: Yes, do let me know when you have any vacancies available.

Anyway. We moved in a week later. Needless to say it took them weeks to sort out basic issues like hot water and heating. But there's nothing funny about that so I won't turn it into a story. It was rather amusing however, to watch the shitforbrains buidlers walk around the house for a day feeling the radiators to see if they were working, and then watch them realise at 7 o clock that the radiators in fact needed bleeding, and then watch them for the next hour put water all over our new carpets while they sorted it out. Which they didn't actually sort out because it still wasn't working and all it took was one guy with a brain the next evening to sort it out.

But that wasn't the highlight of it, oh no. The turning point was most definitely the day when the landlord came over and insisted that the bits of broken wardrobe he had brought round weeks before had been in one piece.
"It was fully assembled when I brought it over" he insisted.
We looked at him icnredulously.
"So, we woke up one day and decided to take it apart, did we?" I said. "We thought that instead of hanging clothes in it it would be of far more use to us in pieces around the hallway? Really?"

Of course, I didn;t say this, we merely politely remakred that of course it was in pieces when he brought it round and could he please get us a new one, thanks.