as if 3 grand ain't enough

I registered to graduate today. Thought I'd be organised for once in my life and get it all sorted. Except instead of it being an exciting and fulfilling experience, I felt like I'd been mugged in the park by two snotty-nosed chavs wearing adidas jumpers and wielding a kitchen knife.

The first shock came was when I was asked to pay for my parents to attend the ceremony. Attending the damn thing should be punishment enough. Paying £20 to sit through hours of meaningless names being read out and gowns going across the stage, back and forth, back and forth etc etc etc just for the pleasure of seeing your own child getting a scroll (that has probably cost you at least ten grand over the last three years) is just taking the piss a little bit.

Then I clicked onto the next section: Graduation Accessories. First I had to measure my head. Never done that before. Okay, 55cm. Does that sound big to you? I thought so, but apparently it's the third smallest size. Interesting. Once I'd filled out the rest of the details, the bill popped up. £37. What? So, as if paying ridiculous tuition fees wasn't enough ('tuition' being the loosest sense of the word - perhaps they should use 'mild supervision fees' instead) I now have to shell out £57 just to walk across the stage in a twatty gown in front of my parents.

After that, I thought I would move onto the fun stuff. Graduation Meal. Oh, that's £40 please. For food that's obviously cooked in bulk, tastes bloody awful, probably gets to your table cold, and also comes with the fun of having to sit with the rest of your year group, most of whom are total twats. Call us snobs, but we've decided to boycott that particular aspect and go to a restaurant instead, one that doesn't rob you blind.

Finally, I paid for my grad ball tickets. £17. Now, really. I could complain more about that, but I've just realised that I'm probably gonna shell out at least £100 on a gorgeous black dress and equally lovely shoes, and not even think twice about it. Well, a girl's got to have her priorities straight...