Don't you just hate those sickening round-robin letters that people write to all their friends and acquaintences, telling you all about their wonderful year, their fantastic children and their newly acquired possessions? Well, I do, anyway. And with the dawn of email it makes it even easier for people to invade your inbox and attach disgusting photographs of their daughter's wedding and their son's new car. I mean, honestly. Some people have no shame.
But imagine EVERYONe wrote a round robin letter over Christmas. I would probably enjoy the letters then. You'd get letters like this, for example:
'2007 has been an interesting year. Our wonderful son Noah has told us he was gay and has since been introducing us to countless boyfriends, most of whom last about a week and are from northern europe. Meanwhile, Sarah has turned to heroin as an escape from her mundane job at Tesco and has been impreganted by her pimp. However, he is very suportive and comes round each morning to inject her eyeballs with the highly addictive substance. Dennis is having an affair with our window-cleaner, who is a transsexual, and I'm currently undergoing therapy after I tried to jump down three flights of stairs. My doctor sent me straight to the shrink after I explained the incident by saying 'If it was good enough for Princess Di, it's good enough for me.'
However, being the hypocrite that I am, I will be subjecting you to a little 'round robin' of my own, by telling you all about my Christmas holiday. So here goes.
The usual family time is always good. I then embarked upon a trip up to Essex, to spend an entire week with my long-distance boyfriend. This was going to be a tough one.
It started off swimmingly when he gave me a 'Global Warming Mug' for Christmas. This is a rather charming little gizmo that has the ability to depress you when you have your morning mug of tea. How it works is this: You pour hot water into the mug and watch as 'valuable seafront property disappears before your very eyes'. M was incredibly impressed by his gift and spent the rest of the week demanding he be served tea in it every morning. Thanks babe.
On the plus side, he did buy me a Banksy book (now out of print) and also the new Russell Brand DVD and he even pretended not to mind when I visibly dribbled while watching this comedy genius do his stuff, so I guess I'm a lucky girl, really.
I was also treated to what I now term as 'lectures of the day' which usually involve M spouting off about something or other (global warming/George Bush/the evils of capitalism/all three if I'm extremely lucky) and must say, learned quite a lot.
We also attended a mud race. Mad dogs and englishman sort of event, rather entertaining and rounded off with a very good lunch of turkey pie. Yummy.
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